Facing Fears
by alwayssmilingsam
Summary: ***Season 6 Spoilers*** Patrick and Timothy talk but Timothy takes his father's words to heart and only his mum can make it all better (trying not to put anything spoilerish in the summary - sorry)


*****Season 6 Spoilers*****

 **In response to the Episode 4 synopsis some Timtrick (I actually wrote this before I saw episode 3 and just hadn't had time to upload it). As always I love to know what you think.**

Patrick Turner would be the first to admit that in some ways he was a man ahead of his time. He genuinely loved spending time with his children and took an active role in their upbringing. He loved his wife to a depth that still surprised him and he believed they were partners in every aspect of their life and absolutely nothing was going to keep him from being by his wife's side when their new little miracle made his or her way into the world. However, the one aspect of his life he still struggled with was his ability to express his feelings.

He grew up in a house devoid of a strong male influence thanks to the First World War. His mother did the best she could but a miscarriage not long after his father left for the war left her weak for the remainder of her life. Young Patrick was left to raise himself in a lot of a respects and learned early on that it was best to keep his fears and feelings to himself. The best way to cope with life's harsher moments was to throw up mental walls to hold it all at bay and just move on.

The flaws in this way of coping had never been more apparent than after the adoption interview, not long after he and Shelagh had married. It had been Shelagh who forced him to confront his past. It had been Shelagh who had provided him with loving support and shown him that speaking of feelings did not make him weak. He still struggled at times but Shelagh seemed to instinctively know when to push him and when to leave him to his own thoughts.

And now his beloved Shelagh was lying in a hospital bed, miles away, worried that she was going to lose their longed for miracle baby. Not many would recognize it but she was his strength and now she needed him to be the strong one.

"How's mum?" Timothy asked as he joined his father in lounge room.

"She hasn't lost the baby." Patrick told him.

Timothy was relieved, he knew how much this baby meant to his parents and he was happy that Angela would have a sibling close in age. "That's good but how is she?"

"She's fine Tim. Don't worry." Patrick told him trying to appease his son's fears.

"Dad, I'm 15. How is she really?" Timothy pushed, not having learnt the art of handing his father.

"I told you she is fine Tim." Patrick snapped, allowing his own fears to surface.

"Dad, I was really scared when you called and said you had taken her to hospital." Timothy confessed. "I didn't want her to lose the baby but mostly I was really scared about losing her."

And with that one sentence Timothy had managed to put Patrick's own fears into words.

"I know what you mean Tim." Patrick wearily ran his hand through his hair. "She is my life, I don't think I could go on without her."

Timothy felt a sickening feeling of betrayal rise up in him. He knew his father loved Shelagh but to hear he and Angela were not enough for his father, to know that he had continued after his first mother had died but to hear he couldn't do that if something happened to mum made him feel angry.

Not wanting to say something he would regret Timothy rose and left the room. He looked back at his father as he walked through the door. Patrick hadn't even noticed he had left, further emphasizing the fact that he didn't matter as much as his mother.

Timothy checked on Angela before moving into his own room. In his current mood he couldn't trust that his father would even think to check on her. He tucked the blanket around his sister and dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "Don't worry Ange, I will always be here for you and tomorrow I'll take you to see mum. I think we both need to check on her."

Timothy barely slept that night. It was a harsh reality to face that if something happened to their mother that they couldn't count on their father to be there for them. He really needed to see his mother for himself, he needed to know that she was okay and knowing his mum she would be anxious to see them too.

…..

"I am going to see your mother this morning and then I have clinic and rounds so I won't be home until late. Mrs Penny will make something for dinner but I'll need you to care for Angela after she leaves." Patrick said over breakfast the next morning.

Timothy, who had made Angela's breakfast and dressed her already, felt anger towards his father surge within him. "You do realise she is your daughter and therefore your responsibility, not mine."

Patrick's head snapped up and looked at his son. "I will not be spoken to like that." Patrick said angrily. "You will look after your sister because I have told you to."

"No dad." Timothy answered defiantly. "I will look after my sister because I love her and she needs to feel safe and secure because she has no idea why mum isn't here." Timothy scooped Angela into his arms.

Patrick stared after his son wondering where all his anger was coming from. If anything he had thought he would be worried about his mother, he had certainly seemed worried the previous night when they had spoken. In fact Patrick had opened up to his son more than he ever had before. He had confessed his deepest fear that if something had happened to Shelagh he didn't think he would be able to cope. Patrick quickly cleaned up the kitchen and went into the living room to say goodbye to the children.

Angela toddled over and gave him a kiss. "Love you dada". The little girl said. Those three words were like a salve to his fractured nerves.

"Oh daddy needed to hear that." Patrick sighed and picked the little girl up to give her a hug. "I love you too, so very much. Have a good day with Tim and Mrs Penney, I wish I could stay and spend the day with the two of you."

Timothy shot him a look of disgust, not for one minute believing his father would want to spend the day with them. He was visiting mum and then putting the people of Poplar before his own children. It seemed like everything his father did and said now was driving home the fact that he and Angela were not enough for him, that without mum they weren't worth anything to him.

"Timothy I do appreciate you spending the start of your summer break looking after your sister, I promise your pocket money this week will reflect that." Patrick said as he grabbed his bag and coat and raced out the door, eager to see his wife before work.

….

Once Mrs Penney arrived Timothy decided to get some fresh air. He started walking and really wasn't surprised when he ended up in the small graveyard behind the church. He walked over to a familiar headstone. "Marianne Turner - Beloved wife of Patrick and mother of Timothy" it read. Beloved wife of Patrick – the words seemed to mock him. His dad had lost mummy and he had managed to keep going on, keep working, raise him, find love again. If he didn't think he could do that if he lost mum then did that mean he hadn't loved mummy as much as he loved mum. If that was the case then did that mean he would love the new baby more than him and Angela? Timothy was a mess of emotional confusion.

Timothy took out his wallet and looked at the photo taken on his second birthday, that had taken up permanent residence there. Dad _seemed_ happy in the photo. He didn't remember his parents ever fighting, they had him, surely dad must have loved mummy when they married…..just not as much as he loved mum apparently.

Visiting the grave had done nothing to stem the anger at his father but it had served to make him realise he hadn't forgotten his mother and realised that it probably did him good to come here and remember her. He slowly walked home and decided that after Angela had her nap he would take her to visit mum in the hospital. He knew that no matter how worried mum was about the baby she would also be worrying about Angela.

….

"Oh Timothy! Thank you!" Shelagh said as she caught sight of her children walking into the hospital room.

"I thought you might be missing her mum." Timothy grinned, happy to see his mother sitting up in bed and looking reasonably well despite the worry lines that looked like they were etched permanently on her forehead.

Shelagh frowned slightly. "I was missing you both." She told him sincerely.

"How long are they going to keep you in for do you think?" Timothy asked, feeling better just by being in his mother's presence.

"I don't know. I'm sure you don't want the details, but for the moment all is well."

"I'm glad mum. This baby means a lot to you and dad, I don't want anything to happen to it." Timothy told her as Angela climbed up onto the bed and cuddled in next to her mother.

"Tim?" Shelagh asked sensing there was something troubling the young man in front of her.

Timothy sighed. He knew his mother well and he knew if he didn't talk to her she would just spend the rest of the day and night worrying about him and that wouldn't do her or the baby any good.

"I was talking to dad last night and he said he didn't think he could go on without you." Timothy told her quietly. He didn't need to elaborate or tell her of his fears, he knew she would understand.

Shelagh was quiet for some time as she stroked Angela's hair gently as the little girl fell asleep. "Your father is a wonderful husband, father and doctor but communication, especially about his feelings does not appear to be his forte does it?" Shelagh asked with a smile.

Timothy felt relief wash through him. If mum was smiling then perhaps she could make him feel better about everything he was feeling.

"I remember praying for you and your father after your mother died. Your father seemed to be going through the motions of living. He ate and slept and did his job and took care of you as best he could but I remember many nights where you slept on the couch at Nonnatus House or in the back seat of his car. Timothy, your father didn't cope when your mother died, he wasn't really living he was just existing. Don't think that he loved your mother any less than he loves me. What your father and I have is a different relationship to he and your mother but neither is more important than the other." Shelagh reached out and grasped Timothy's hand. "It was his love for you that eventually forced him to start living again and I have no doubt that god forbid, if something happened to me it would be you and Angela that would be his reason for going on."

Timothy had tears in his eyes. "It didn't sound that way last night. It sounded like if something happened to you Angela and I wouldn't be enough."

"Oh Tim." Shelagh wished she could wrap her arms around her son to comfort him. "I imagine by the time he got home last night your father finally allowed his fear to surface. He had was in the middle of trying to keep the Maternity Home open when he had to bring me to the hospital. I was terrified I was losing the baby and he was being so strong for me, I doubt he was thinking fully about what he said. If he had, he would have realised how hurt you would feel. I promise you your father loves you and Angela more than anything and he will always be there for you."

Patrick stood outside the door and listened to his wife talking to their son. He had been stewing over Timothy's attitude all day and on his second house call had suddenly realised what he had said the night before and how his son may have taken his words. He had called in a locum for the rest of the week and raced home only to have Mrs Penney tell him Timothy had taken Angela to the hospital to visit their mother. He quietly made his way into the room and rested his hand on his son's shoulder.

"I'm sorry Timothy. You and Angela are my children and I would do anything for the two of you. Last night when I got home I suddenly realised I could have lost your mother yesterday and I was feeling completely overwhelmed. I didn't think about what I was saying and I hurt you and I am so sorry for that." Timothy stood and looked his father in the eye as if trying to gauge the truth of what he was saying. " _You_ were the only thing that kept me going after mummy died and you and Angela would be the only things keeping me going if something had happened to mum."

Patrick reached for his son and Timothy momentarily held back until he realised that last night his father had been scared and he had allowed Timothy to see that. Shelagh watched as father and son embraced, her wonderful and wise man child who seemed to be literally growing up before her very eyes and her beloved husband who had come so far in being able to express his feelings.

As they moved apart Patrick spoke to his son. "You were right this morning, Angela is my responsibility not yours. I have got a locum for the rest of the week so I can take care of her."

"I don't mind dad, really. I love Angela." Timothy smiled feeling like everything was right with his world again.

"Nevertheless, you are fifteen and summer holidays should be spent with your friends not your baby sister. Not that I will say no if you offer to give me a hand every so often. I think we both know mum is the backbone of the family and I'm pretty useless without her." Patrick smiled and squeezed his wife's hand.

Timothy grinned. "Yes, you are pretty useless but I'm sure Angela and I can whip you into shape before mum gets out of hospital."

Patrick smiled at his son's cheekiness. "I really am sorry for hurting you Tim." He said still feeling guilty despite his son's forgiving nature.

"I understand dad. I was scared too and neither of us had mum there to make it alright." Tim got a sly look on his face. "Given that I am the practice child for you to make all your parenting mistakes on I don't think a pocket money increase would be out of line."

Shelagh stifled a laugh at the way Timothy was managing his father and knew they had come through the worst of this crisis. She gently rested her hand on her still flat stomach and prayed that this baby continue to grow and thrive within her so it could become part of her wonderful, loving family.


End file.
